Non-Binary Loving Men (NBLM): Non-Binary people who are primarily attracted to men may identify as NBLM, or “non-binary loving men.” This acronym can also describe a relationship between a boy and a man (including a relationship represented in fabrication).
NBLM follows the same agreement as MLM and WLW, acronyms used to describe relationships between two men and also two women. The letters preceding the letter L indicate the gender a person identifies with in these abbreviations. The letters following the letter L indicate the gender to which the person is attracted.
Example
“I’m NBLM, looking to buy a family and settle down.”
I’ll Tell You What I Need, What I Want
We want love. Plain and simple. We want to be loved. We want to feel the love. And also, we want to create love. And we want to see love. We want to give love. We want love to go to the deepest, darkest parts of us and shine its warm, healing light. Imagine if all the times you experienced pain, rejection, and shame were replaced with unconditional love. How would that have changed your life? What kind of person would you be today?
Love is our power, and many have moved through life feeling powerless—many of us. And also, I will name them.
I listened to an incident in Brené Brown’s podcast where she talked with Sonya Renee Taylor about bodies, embarrassment, And also, the ladder of social hierarchy that we are taught to climb to feel good about ourselves. I gasped so many times during this incident; it blew me away.
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One of the many facts from this episode that shook my understanding of life and how we live as gay men, in particular, is that getting is not enough. As an LGBTQ community and movement, we have learned to ask for more than just tolerance. We have moved beyond that meager request and also into a direction of acceptance.
However, as Taylor asserts, acceptance will not get us where we want to be. She says:
“I don’t want to be accepted, and I want to be loved. If you had to choose between love or acceptance, which would you choose? You choose to love. Love is richer. It’s warmer. Love does something. Acceptance is an idle word. It doesn’t do anything. It stops there. And also, it just stays there. It’s a passive term. Love is an active term. It’s a thing that makes you get up and do something. To change something, to change. It creates momentum. I want, To the world, a love that changes shit. I want love in a way that disrupts, that destroys the ladder. Acceptance won’t get us there.”
That’s what essential love is and what it can do.
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Show Me Love and What It’s All About, Okay?
I recently contributed to a gay men’s healing group with Ryan Allen, a life coach, spiritual healer, and fitness trainer. The group’s purpose was to bring gay men together to acknowledge our pain and the pain of gay men who came before us. A particular type of pain mentioned in the group was the shame and rejection that manifests itself in the spaces where we meet, such as clubs and dating apps. I have experienced this shame and also denial over the years and also acknowledge that I have contributed to it.
That’s why it’s essential to take time for yourself, to create enough distance from shame and rejection to give way to radical self-love. Here are some ways you can create the space you need to make this happen:
- Stop exposure to content that stimulates your shame and rejection. Things like social media thirst trap accounts, posting selects for validation, gay dating/hookup apps, etc. They feed our self-hatred. Allow your mind and spirit to function without constant exposure to these distorted messages.
- Reflect and acknowledge the shame and rejection that occupies the space in your mind, heart, and lineage of gay men before you.
- Own the ways you contribute to shame and also rejection within yourself and others.
- Challenge and release the shame and rejection tied to aspects of who you are and also replace it with radical self-love.
Love is our power. It is the answer to the questions within us. Radical self-love liberates, dismantles, and builds. It is the way we honor ourselves and others. It makes us responsible and allows us to aspire to be better. Radical self-love leads us to happiness, fulfillment, and each other. When we radically love ourselves, we refuse to accept anything less than what we deserve.
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